Day 3 of tapering off 1mg of Klonopin
Lets see... withdrawal symptoms for today....
Headache (still. it's constant), my shoulders and back are sore, I think I have a UTI, all the joints on my right side keep throbbing and swelling (i don't know what thats all about), OH AND, my face feels like it's on fire and my eyes are swollen! Rocknroll dill holes. This is Day Three.
I'm not as grumpy as I was yesterday, so that is definitely a plus. And I'm not as tired as I was yesterday either. But I look and feel like a monster. My face and neck have broken out, my skin is red and irritated, I'm so oily that I feel like freaking wax paper, and my eyes are so swollen that it looks like I'm either an alcoholic or suffering from severe allergies.
Today I'm just bluh. I've been in bed most of the day, I haven't bathed, (and don't plan on it), I'm still in my pjs at 9pm, and I really just don't give a fuck about much right now.
I might be starting to go through depression. I've heard that it's coming. I'm ready. Bring it. But the skin thing is getting to me a bit. My face feels burnt. Literally. Like I'm sun burnt. And my shoulders and arms itch. Then there are my joints. My knee keeps swelling if i leave it bent too long. At one point today my whole leg went numb, that freaked me right the fuck out.
Yes, I realize that all these things (except maybe the skin stuff) are normal everyday problems with most people in the world. Probably 3/4 of the public have muscle aches and back pain, swollen joints, headaches... but not me!! These just popped up all the sudden. So really the only reason for them is withdrawal. I am still having the blurred vision and all around foggy feeling. But again, I just don't care today. I haven't done shit around the house. I was suppose to have a date tonight and I don't want to go just because I don't want to have to bathe! Seriously. Who would have thought that simply bathing would be an exhausting chore that I don't want to do. I would rather sit in filth. Gross. But I really don't care!
I'm on day 3, and having lots of symptoms. And my dose hasn't been cut that much. I have new fears now. I used to fear having a heart attack, having cancer, being alone, high blood pressure, diabetes, heart disease, thyroid problems, hormone problems..the list went on and on. But all those fears were irrational for a 33 year old HEALTHY person that has been tested for all these things. Now, my fears are legitimate. I really could die from this shit. FACT. If you quit cold turkey from this medication, you will have seizures, go into a coma and possibly die. You WILL have seizures if you quit cold turkey and you have been on it for a long period of time. Which is ironic because this drug was made to help people with epilepsy! But I am not quitting cold turkey, I am tapering off slowly. It is still scary, though. These withdrawals and side effects are scary!
I looked at myself in the mirror today and I didn't recognize myself. I look like a strung out meth head (no offense to the meth heads, but ya know). My skin that was once fabulous is now blotchy, red and broken out. My hair is oily. Like REALLY oily. I look like a 50s guy with a leather jacket and a comb in his pocket. And yes, I know I haven't bathed today, but this is weird. Like I said, this may be normal every day stuff for most people, but not me.
SO once again, if you are on any type of antidepressant, or anti anxiety medication, GET OFF NOW. But I do understand that some people really need it. When my panic disorder started and I was having severe attacks twice a day, I needed some medication to help because nothing else would. But not now. Just try going without your meds for ONE day, maybe two, and see how you feel. If you feel sick, it's time to get off them. You are more sick and unhealthy WITH the pills than without them.
On to day FOUR. I'm bringing back the Force.
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