Day 12
Sunday. Always a lazy day.
Since I have hit the insomnia stage (yippy FN skippy) I 'slept' late, really I just laid in bed til after 10am. And as some of you may know, I take my daily taper dose of the poison that is Klonopin every day around the same time, but I try to wait a hour later every day.
This morning I was home alone, it's kinda cloudy and gloomy outside, it's just a laid back day. I had my coffee and just stayed in bed watching TV for a while. My medicine time was 11:30am. Well, lucky me, that time came and went. Whhhaaaaat?? But I was doing so bad last night!? Yeah, last night was rough as far as withdrawal symptoms, so I figured that this morning would be horrific. But no. Go figure. Maybe my body finally got use to the 95%.
Anyhoo... I decided to do a little experiment. When I told my doctor that I wanted to stop taking this drug (months ago) she told me to go down to half a pill. Just straight to 50%. You have GOT to be kidding me. But around 1pm today, I started to get a little anxiety, but not too bad. I was getting a little tired and dizzy and all that fun stuff. So I thought, I will try her 50% plan. So I took half a pill. I didn't dissolve it in water, I didn't do the taper, I just cut my pill in half. An hour later, I was feeling pretty good. Considering... It's amazing how even though I have a headache, I'm dizzy, nauseated and exhausted, that's still feeling good these days. But my eyes were puffing up again. That is always my first withdrawal symptom. My eyes get SO puffed up it's just gross.
But I decided to roll with it. Like I've said, I don't WANT to take this medicine, I have to. But if I can get away without taking as much, bet your ass I'm going to try!!
By 6pm I was still doing pretty good. I was having withdrawal symptoms, but since it's a lazy day, I handled it. My chest pain was worse than normal, felt like my heart was pounding out of my chest. I got confused easily, forgot simple things right after doing them, my mind drifted off in to lala land many times and I had to be brought back to reality. My joints swelled up like an old lady and HURT like a bitch. My leg went numb a few times, I tripped a few times, my face got hot and red and itchy... Ehh.... no biggie. All normal things. Just the brain damage kicking in, I can handle that.
By 8:30pm I was losing the battle. Full panic was coming on. I was sweating, had a hard time looking at lights, the noises from the TV was getting to me, my leg started spontaneously moving around, I just couldn't sit still and started to get scared. Then my EARS. Oh my god the ears! I had so much pressure in my ears I seriously thought they were going to burst and bleed. I have never felt that shit before. It's like they need to pop, but not really. Oooh it was bad. That freaked me out, I asked my support group, and can you guess what the answer was? NORMAL! Figures. I should have known. It was bad. But I just kept thinking, 'It's already 8:30! Why can't I just forget it and go to bed?!!' Oh yeah, I'm in the insomnia stage. But it's better than the extremely exhausted stage, I guess. So yada yada yada, I decided to take half of the other half of my pill. Which means I made it through the day at 75%. Woo hoo! That last 25% took the edge off just enough for me to be still. But not enough to sleep. Bummer.
Tomorrow I will try to do the 75% again. 50% in the morning, 25% at night. We shall see. But the less you take, the sooner it wears off. I know I need to pick a percentage and stay there, but I want to get off this shit so bad!!! I'm normally a patient person, but not with this.
But I made it through another day. I have good days and bad, I always try to find a silver lining. Day by day. I'm almost to 2 weeks folks. That's good. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.
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