Day 10. In the double digits!
This is bad. Very bad. I don't like it anymore. Last night I was exhausted once the poison of Klonopin wore off, this morning I barely got out of bed.
My body is so sore it feels like I've been hit by a bus. I am so exhausted I feel like I haven't eaten or had water in days.
My goal today was to get off the couch and to wait until noon to take my poison of the day. I keep trying to wait an hour later every day, because that means it will be later in the day when the drug wears off. At some point I would like to make it til bedtime before it wears off. I don't see that happening. I'm still at 95% my original dose and I'm sticking here for a long time.
Yesterday I made a video blog. I had taken my shower and my meds so I was somewhat normal. I shared it with my support group and they wanted to share it on their own timelines. Getting the word out! That's all I want to do. Nobody told me, so I'm trying to tell as many people as I can. Even if they don't listen.
This morning I made another video. This time it was at the 24 hour mark. 24 hours after I took my poison yesterday. My speech was slurred, I couldn't see straight, I was so incredibly weak and nauseated. I filmed myself at the worst point just so someone could see and hear what happens just 24 hours after a dose of 95% or the original. I have not yet shared that video. I have watched it several times and it is a little disturbing for me to see. I cry every time. My face was red and my eyes were SO puffy, I sounded like I was on drugs, but it was 24 hours after being on drugs. Just another reason to get off this shit and another reason never to take it. I'm sure I will share the video with my group, but it's A LOT to make it public. I'm at a tug of war with myself, because that's the point. I want to get the word out. I can talk and write all I want, but seeing is believing.
Anyhoo...
I thought today I would make a list. Instead of going on, as usual, about how shitty I feel. I've made a list of the side effects, symptoms and withdrawal problems that we all experience. Down to the smallest thing that makes no sense, but it's a symptom. Whether you are on the Benzo drugs, or getting off, this crap happens. And we all share them. Here we go...
Headaches
Migraines/Cluster Migraines
Weight Gain
Dizziness
Nausea
Confusion
Depression
Irrational thinking
Mood Swings
Hormone Changes
Missed Periods in women
Miscarriages in women
Tingling in your head, or "electricity" feeling
Increased Anxiety
Hypochondria
Paranoia
Agoraphobia
Muscle Tension
Joint pain and swelling
Allergic reactions to Antibiotics and other drugs
Allergic and adverse reactions to Alcohol
Food Cravings
Vitamin Deficiencies
Dry Mouth
Tooth Decay
Pain in teeth and gums
Lock Jaw/Jaw Pain
Constipation
Diarrhea
Vomiting
Swollen Eyes
Swollen Lymph Nodes
Lactating in women
Suicidal thoughts
Panic Attacks
Chronic Urinary Tract Infections
Chronic Heartburn
GERD
Dehydration
Hair Loss
Acne
Redness and Burning Skin
Sensitivity to lights
Sensitivity to sounds (even music)
Seizures
Heart Palpitations
Irrational Fears
Extreme Fatigue
Blurred Vision
Vertigo
Feelings of 'lump in throat'
Muscle Spasms
Uncontrollable body movements
Ringing in the ears
Cold Sweats
Hot Flashes
Adverse reaction to birth control and estrogen based products in women
Memory Loss
Decrease in Motor Skills
Hysteria
Lower/Higher Sex drive
Swollen Stomach aka "Benzo Belly"
Arthritis
Stuttering
Sensitivity to caffeine and other stimulants
Sensitivity and adverse reactions to B vitamins (and others)
Rapid Weight Loss
Pressure in Ears
and last but not least...
BENZO DRUG DEPENDENCY OR ADDICTION.
These are just a few. Really. I'm sure I will add to this list over time. You wanna take this shit? You wanna go out and get some Klonopin or Xanax or Valium? Wanna go "get a few bars" and party?? Idiots. Blows my mind that the kids do that. SMH.
Now I know that some people are on these drugs now, and they need them. I was there. I honestly thought Klonpin saved my life when I was diagnosed with Panic Disorder. I would have never believed it was dangerous. But if you are on it, NOW YOU KNOW. So don't stay on it. Don't listen to your doctor that tells you it's a safe drug. Don't let your doctor give you other drugs to take with it. Look into Holistics, look into herbal remedies, or at least just look into the drug before you take it. Do your research. Even OTC meds are dangerous. Don't make the same mistake I did. And sooo many others.
If you want to see the first video I posted, here is the link....
Panic with the Benzo : Getting of Klonopin
Now on to another day.
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