Day 35: I think I'm almost done.

35 days and counting....

I'm in the home stretch, folks.

Last we spoke, 5 days ago(?), I was having problems with the liquid taper to get off my Klonopin so I was going to have to come up with some other idea.

WELL.

I keep track of my doses, withdrawal symptoms and the time I take my poison every day whether I blog or not.  (I have no memory, remember)
After the failed liquid taper, I basically went coo-coo ca choo and ended up taking .5mg (half my original dose) later that evening.  That, along with whatever small amount was in my liquid that morning got me feeling somewhat normal again.  
To me, I had taken a step back.  I didn't know how much medicine I had actually taken into my body because I just don't believe the liquid taper has as much in there as it is suppose to. So, I was a bit upset with myself.

However!  The next day, I was fine all day.  I didn't take ANY part of my poisonous Klonopin pill.  I made it through a day.  My skin was almost green it was so pale, I couldn't see, I think I hallucinated a few times, I was grumpy, I was dry heaving...all the fun stuff.  But I made it.  

So I tried to do it again the next day.  Didn't work.  I made it til 3pm and then I just had to take something.  My vision was so impaired I couldn't see things right in front of me.  My hearing was off, my skin went from pale white to red, blotchy and burning.  My head was pounding, my ears were throbbing, I couldn't concentrate on anything.  So I took 1/4 of my pill, .25mg.  Now if you recall, that was the cut I was trying to make in the first place about a week or so ago, but it didn't work out so I tried the liquid.

Well, it's been 3 days now and I'm still going strong on .25mg.  Just that tiny little bitty amount of Klonopin will keep me able to function normally for 24 hours.  Today my daughter looked at me and said, "Umm Mom, your eyes are swollen".  WELP! Must have hit the 24 hour mark! Gotta take my tiny piece of a pill for the day!   I have gotten so used to the withdrawal symptoms that I can almost predict them. *knock wood*  I know that after I cut my dose down, the first day I will be incredibly tired all day and nauseated and pale.  On the second day, my face will get red and blotchy and burn like I've been in the sun way too long, and I will have headaches.  On the third day, I will be sore and my eyes will swell up and I will have insomnia.  Tomorrow, I predict that I will feel much better.  My skin wont be so irritated, I may get some sleep, I will be able to eat a full meal again, and I will probably have a migraine or tingling sensations in my head.  It's all signs of this shit getting out of my body and me healing.  

I welcome the withdrawal symptoms.  Because I know it is just that, WITHDRAWAL.  The poison is leaving my body and it's not happy about it. But I am.  My memory has continued to get better every day, my anxiety is almost non existent, I laugh more, I feel more, and I have goals again.  I can't wait to be healed completely so I can start over.  Get a FULL TIME job.  Get back to working hard and making money and going on trips with my daughter.  Get a manicure and a pedicure. (I REALLY miss that one) Get out of the house and live again.  I am so excited about my future now, because before I was just a drone living the same year over and over again.  I am getting my life back, and so is my daughter.  I can already tell a difference in her as well.  She is getting her mom back.

But I tell ya, it sucks getting off this poison.  It really does.  I am extremely lucky to have been able to do it in a month or two, for a lot of people it takes years.  It's the hardest thing I've done, and the scariest.  But it's worth it.  All of it. It's just like having a child.  Pregnancy sucks, it seems to last forever, you feel like shit, then you have labor which is worse... but in the end, you have a new life. And it's worth it. You would do it all over again to get the result.  

I am so happy and proud of myself for finally coming to my senses and getting off this drug.  The reward is better than anything I can imagine.  Please, get off your Benzo drug or anti-depressant.  It's not worth your life.  There is help on Facebook and right here.  You can do it.